GRATIFYING PAIN

The imbecile mind of mine is always filled with gawky thoughts. i think dats d reason behind my rising blood pressure and thumping heartbeats. My inquisitive eyes always searching for delectable views. These days this fukin pain at d back of my neck n head has made me sick. I ws sweating n wincing in pain so doc has adviced me physical therapy. My muscle has got into spasm and its all because of my posture. When i slouch everythin sags, my head protrudes and considerable strain is placed in my neck. Nex mornin i cheked into clinic of physical therapist and after restless wait of 40 mins i was assigned a therapist. As i lie down on d bed. I saw the petite young woman with a fine dark hair, that fell to her shoulder, olive dark skin and very dark,thickly lashed eyes. Wearing a batch on tightly fitted short silken kurti . RAGINI ws scripted on it just above her left breast. damn those protruding juicy curves ssssssss........i cant fall in luv with a physical therapist.

Ragini's voice was intense," kindly , please" i shut my eyes as she gripped the base of my skull and pulled it gently first then with a more strength. A womens touch like ivory aginst burning skin. Christ! i thought about masseuses , prostitues. But NO! this therapy ws legitimate touch, the real thing. she smelled so nice . As she bent a bit to strech my neck i got the glimpse of such heavenly cleavage. I cud hav jumped n tasted those bulges. suddenly a tinge of xtreme pain for a sec at d back n dat excruciating pain vanished. i cud not believe this. I surrendered myself in her hands and began to relax. "now retract your head, please.No, like this, hold for a count for three n reapeat it five times." i ws breathing heavily.i cud observe my heavy breath on her silken kurti . intensionally i breathed harder so dat she cud feel d sensation on her neck line ." relax mr. kapoor, calm down" wsnt dat embarrasing. Ragini den began to knead the "knotted " muscles at the base of my skull, slowly on both the sides of my neck, down to my shoulders and back up again and again.

God...intimate juices were oozing out now. I actually felt the strong urge to touch her thighs, n knead them d way she was kneading my back. slowly she moved her hand up, towards my neck,.........slowly i moved my hand up towards her zipper in my imagination. i cud feel d tightness n adrenline rush , as she ws about to reach the neck.....as i was about reach her zipper...my heart ws about to blow..i was about to get into heaven , and here she was .....n here i go.....n BIG BANG. i shouted with extreme pain. her fingers located dat injured muscle WHITE HOT PAIN and I cried like a stricken animal. " sorry mr. kapoor" Ragini murmured and her fingers easing away quickly as if repentant. an exhauting drill was carried out retracting my neck n head. but i cud only remember her hands on my body. " initial pain increase is common, just go slowly sir". I felt as if I ws floating on an island of pain like sparkling white sand. n ragini close beside me. This pain was sparkingly dazzling darling. Few mins later Ragini's fingers were fitting a snug thick collar around my neck through which hot water is passed. I sweated n panted. Observed dat pain was draining away. Tension was dissolving like melting ice. My eyes were filled with moisture. I wsnt crying but my vision swam. I cud only locate her green kurti. Her boobs appeared bigger in my moistured eyes.I never wanted to clear my eyes though i did . I cud see the poreless cosmetic mask of dis glamourous therapist. " are you feeling better mr. kapoor?" " yes , i m"
" you were terribly tense when you first came in. but u did relax, finally", I did I did I did, " I did"
n i was repenting on what I did. I shudnt hav realxed. I shud hav remained tense . Atleast she wud hav accompanied me a bit longer. but still i was happy. I wanted to cry, to burst into laughter.
As she turned her back to me, to her carry her equipments i raised my hand. i wanted to touch her. I wanted to seize ragini about d hips, her slender tight hips, and bury my heated face in her. life seems suddenly so good so simple...so relaxing." goodbye Mr. kapoor, get well soon"

PRESENTIMENT

life is a real bitch. harder it plays with us greater satisfaction it attains.

on a chilly wintry night , i m standing on terrace tryin to observe the vaccum dat has created a void in my life . grotesque of problems appears to be dangling around.

i shut my eyes and tried to hide myself . burning orange blue flame hurt my eyes . chilled air seems to be searing my mind . i opend my eyes and raised my fingers to wipe the water droplets on my lashes , slowly dripping on my burning cheeks , like water droplets on a hot plate .

my chin swirls a bit . frackled lower lip seems to be dead , has'nt been streched from its extreme ends for long . i curled it over my teeth and press it hard . mere creature cudnt stand the pressure and soon cracks are filled with crimson salty liquid . my tounge wants to embalm my lips , eager to taste the freshly squeezed juice . my nose is clogged and i can feel the heaviness in my breathing . temperature behind my eyes is on toll. hot liquid run down from my nose , like a fat melting from rosting meat.

my throat is choked. full of noises deep inside my windpipe , as if sumone is silting my throat . as if blood were flowing out of invisible wound . i upturned my eyes, and pulled down a large peice of warm fabric lying over my shoulder, letting this unpleasently cold air to play with my sweltering body. letting it freeze my galvanised skin , to cool down the burnin coal inside it . but all in vain.

my heart pounds harder, as if wanna cry with a bursting laughter.

my arms open up ,ready to dive in this meloncholic sky.

i wish i cud hav died.

BIASED SMOKING

2nd oct-national holiday,long awaited holiday,every1 ws happy ,sappy n in a mood to njoy. but d day arrived wid a clause. smokin ws publically banned .nobody ws allowed to smoke in ne f d public places .every one ws found to b movin outta dere offices to smoke, which actually created hell lot f problem 4 women. last evenin i went to C.P,wid a frend f mine. i went inside a shop to buy ma stuff . ma frend waited outside coz she wanted to smoke. as she ws smokin 3 men came over, n asked her.."chikni aati kya khandala".road side romeos r every where. she ignored em n crossed d raod n stood on a pavement, where a car stopped englis men showed up." wanna ride"
wat d hell?? y women who smoke r considered as bold n ready to tk on men. wen we move down d lane n find thousands of men smokin do we feel strange about it. do we actually turn around to giv em a second look. den y cant women who smoke can b viewed wid a same eye. in any case i m nt here to promote smokin. i even ask ma frends to quit smokin , but dy cant. only 1% f smokers can quit smokin. its not easy. everybody cannot kick d butt. but thing s ppl smoke jus to hav momentry pleasure. jus to get rid f all d tensions for a while. cigratte provides same pleasure to man n woman . den y nt society??? evrybody needs his or her personal space. but equality dosen exist in world of smokin. delhi men seem to hav serious issues wid women who smoke. i m nt d one whos intersted in idealistic or moralistic talks. burnin lungs s definately bad for everyone.but y smokin s considered to b sexually immoral for women ? women who smoke , 100 f men will stop by , will pass lecherous comments, lewd remarks. thy r susceptible to b labelled as easy prey. women smokers r percieved as a women wid a loose charac , illfitted ppl f society. its becumin tougher world for women. because f smokin ban entire demarcation s cumin in name f women. dicrimination has becum more prominent. dis has definately widened d gender difference. do we need to licentiate smokin or i shud say smokers instead??? society shud b same for everyone. wen women used to smoke in offices or in public places dy were still safe to n xtent. but nw where shud women go to smoke????
wen women does it dy r considered to b cheap , wen men does it dy r considered to b gr8...sum1 has said.....B.C. sutta..........rader i wud say B.C. society

UNUSUAL CANVAS

Mr.kanti lal pasricha ws a retired lawyer.he ws about to cross 65 n ws workin as consultant wid a law firm. it wsnt such a heavy work so..he ws only busy for bout 4 hrs in d mornin on weekdays. 12 yrs ago his wife passed away n his only son ws settled in new york wid his american wife. money has never been problem for him . he earned loads f money durin his practice n owned an ancesteral property in posh Vasant Vihar. he had everythin he wanted . he ws one of d wealthy man who made his house into a palace . representin his mind n taste. filled wid big china vases, zebra skins ,buffalos head, japneese prints n finely woven carpets. house ws shrine for art luvers. he disliked all visitors ,for dere intrusion , envy n resentment n for d way dy coveted wat he had. but he luved Rajni. the women who used to clean his house. it ws dis 20 yr old who used to tk care f his house n his fine articles. the time rajni used to come over ,he ws generally at his workplace. one day kanti lal made a pt of stayin home to spend sum time wid her. he took a off n ws lookin like a brain sick suker , big , ineffected, he bumped into his chair, too numb wid desire to do nethin but gape at her ungainly grace. rajni swept d floor as though mimickin dancers. the same approx of bendin n strechin , sometimes on tip toes , reachin straight armed, movin forwrd n back, bowin to lowest shelves, often kneelin, showin her dusty footpads n pretty buttocks. she wore no make up n her hair ws loose.moppin scrubin, lyin on her back to beat feather duster at cobwebs under sofa. hiked up blouse revealin smooth honey coloured lower back. all dis demandin postures of housework which represented d most passionate positions of luv makin. kanti lal ws a big soft man wid hairless legs n potbelly.now n den he used to visit strip clubs n ws surprised to find dat many oder patrons were men who luked like him. bored ,sixtyish, desperate,no frends, jus rattlin around,lonely n horny.rajni never used to talk to him which also fueled his ardor. she ws a mother of 2 yr old n her husbnd had left her.kanti lal ws totally taken over by her beauty n allurin untidiness. his life had becum a resistin fantasy n he even thot of ,makin a wild suggestion to her , payin her to work naked. though he never had d guts to speak dis out.
soon he started takin usual offs from his work n used to spend time at home . he used to stare rajni like a big hungry boy lookin at hunks f homemade cake. he started talkin to her bout stupid stuff .questions bout weather .he used to mak plausible noises so dat he cud rest his eyes on her body as she worked. he luved to see a women at work,being active. engaged in sumthin strenous, caryyin heavy loads, bendin, nethin dat made dere bodies contort wid effort n dere her hair shake loose .tight tensed knees clenched buttocks, elbows workin ,neck stiffened wid concentration , tongue clamped between d teeth.he watched wid his own own tongue clamped dat way.
rajni ws a pretty witch, skinny ballerina. n kanti lal had his pick. his neat dusted house jus irritated him for needin no more work for rajni. wen he cudnt resist his desire...finnally one day he asked her to company him for tea. she agreed n sat on floor while he stroled in his chair.she ws smilin n ws producin loud slurpy sound while consumin tea. after bit of stupid chat he hesitantly asked her, to spend time wid him in his bed. she appeared as if she ws shocked n took question to b preposterous. he ws embarrased .he promised her to raise her salary n wud provide her servent room to live in . but she ws so startled ..she stood up n walked away.as a wealthy man , successful lawyer , he ws not used to being rebuffed. crushed n wounded ,his desire ws raw n had not imagined dat rejection from his illitrate housemaid cud b so embarrsain n painful. he thot about rajni. will she gonna cum on work tomorrow?n if she will ,hw will he gonna face her? god dis ws so humiliating.
around 10 at night dere ws a knock on his door. he opened d door n eaisly recognised rajni. she looked stressed . she said in a gummy way, phlegm clotted her throat" i m ready " he immediately let her in n shut d door behind. he observed her again n felt a strangeness in her expressions, unstable n unfamiliar rajni. r u a drug addict???
god u r stinkin ??? she held his arm wid so much f force he felt terrified . suddenly he felt weak. he tried to move away n found her sudden rage of anger.u son of a bitch i need money.
get on to d bed. she pushed her hard n he fell on his bed wid sudden thud. nw he realised dat he cant control her. she ws powerful. powerful enuf to handle dis 65 yr skinny n saggy man.
she ws on high dose of drugs. she moved towards bed wid vigour n he ws actually frightened.
she ordered him to get naked. kanti lal said.."i hav changed ma mind". "No u sonofabitch" she said loudly soundin crazy.her voice had d gnawin ferocity of a big cat.her irrationality made her confident .n she watched him widout interst while kantilal undressed, pullin off his shirt n steppin out of his pants .standin naked in front of her like a goat ready to b slaughtered. he felt giddy terror n used his hands to cover himself. " look at u" said rajni in casual way, flickin her fingers over his body n mockin him . " u horny oldy fuker...gud for nothin"." so tell me wat all u wanted to do wid me in bed, cumon u oldy goldy lets hav fun".kanti lal ws terrified. he felt d stiffness in his neck n cudnt raise his head. in a crackin voice he asked.." hw much do u wan"??? she quirked ,nw u gettin on d track....".5000 wud do ". she retorted. he jus pulled up a bed sheet around himself n opened d drawer. he gave her d money . payed her to leave his bed.
she grabbed d money seemin to swagger," dis s gud...bastard" she went out slammin d door.
kanti lal ws left alone again. fleein d scene of his failure, harassement , mental n emotional distress.his blood pressure ws on hike. after dis incident he realised dat hw strong he ws n ws repentin on his offer which deprived him of a chance of admirin women body.

I M LOST

today i tried to kiss sum1 so passionately in ma dreams..............

yes i m lost.sumtimes i really don understan where i m goin. wats nex???
ryt nw i m starin at ceilin n can hear birds chirpin. i m listenin to psychadelic trance for almost 24 hrs. y i m here??? i cant lie.. m i lonely..??? its been almost 20 yrs, i haven been touched by a man. i 'll live though.
instead f wastin ma time wishin n hopin , sleepin wid self pity , n fallin in luv over n over again wid .............hmmmmmm..................GHOSTS. i wish i cud stop thinkin on wats missin in ma life n
b grateful to wat i hav. dis organ in inside ma chest,god gave me a gift n i 'd b fool nt to use it.
if dere s a man out dere who s willin to ride or walk or run or even fly wid me. he will show up ,probably out of nowhere. i m jus nt gona hold ma breath
i wish i cud go beyond...............................................................

MAKING LOVE

Love is d most debatable phenomenen happened to mankind.wat s dis luv??? n wat s dis luv makin???it may sound cliche ,but all of us hav sum preconcieved notion bout luv makin. makin luv snt all bout jus hardcore to n fro motion. luv cant b restricted to b jus a mechanical xercise.
luv snt a impetus to achieve mere 11 minutes session.the fleshly n earthly pleasures may satisfy d physical need jus 4 few seconds,but it cant serve as d basis f carryin n nurturing d luvin relationship.
all of us need sum1 special ,sum1 to pamper us. sum1 wid whom we can njoy evry moment f our life. sum1 to whom we can surrender ourselves. sum1 whos presence acts as breeeze under scorchin sun. cogent mind heart n soul hold a gr8er importance in makin luv,rather den brainless bodily disco sessions. i wud rather prefer a vibrator rather den makin luv to brainless body.
MAKIN LUV suggests purity, innocence, naughtiness, sweetness,dees feelings which can only b exhibited through various gestures,which requires a judicious use f mind heart n soul.only den our body acts as a gud subordinate n works in pleasurable manner.
sudden caring touch of ur luver ,gushes blood outta ur mind. casual kiss on ur arms .movin his hands down n holdin u by ur waist,murmuring,loosening ur hair and twining around,ingites passion n xcitement.
continous wispherin n subtle gigglin f ur gal, makes u feel ecstatic.wen ur man takes ur hand and led u to stairs and on each step he stops n kisses u ,ur lips, ur eyes, ur cheeks ur chin.u feel dat u r d lukiest one in dis world.at d top of stairs u xperience d risin heart beat ,fear, passion...u cud feel his tightened grip n also feel happy in realisin that he's also nervous .thees r d feelings dat represents makin luv.always being xtremly concern over ur luvers comfort s knwn as luv.when he's busy ,tensed n depressed puttin a hand of comfort on his shoulder is knwn a luv.communicatin,irritatin,contionous stupid questionin,sharin gaiety guffows wont u call it makin luv??? listenin to him ,understandin him,always being close to him,huggin him wid gr8 vigour, makin him feel relaxed, makin him feel u r mine. confirmin him..dat i 'll always b dere 4 u...s makin luv. acceptin him wid all his nuances, missin him wenever he snt around , cryin wid him..sharin everythin .puttin ur arms around him...lowerin his neck n kissin him. tryin to ponder upon familiar n unfamiliar touches. w8in to b swept away.tryin to b aware f his evry caress every kiss n evry movement. touchin the warmth of his body, curves f his shoulderand straight line f his hips. feelin shy bout his naughty gestures ,his hands n his mouth. breathtakinly eager to feel d new sensation. On a wintry night , movin a mere finger on ur beloved bare midreef can set d gold on fire. 2 still bodies completely engrossed in each oder lyin on a single bed.snt dis makin luv???
always tensed before gettin in between d sheets wid ur man,n tryin to remember wat kinda panty m wearin,one wud call dem such "stupid thoughts" but i wud say being foolishly romantic s makin luv.

IRKSOME CREATURES

hi....dis title above refers to gals....its nt dat i hav sumthin against gals but it only refer to dos chipku type...irritatin gals who makes u pull ur hair outta ur head. i m also a gal..but i adamantly think dat dere s sum diff species of gals dat falls in dis category...n m nt one f em...;).
gals gals gals...sweet sexy sassy gals...whole world goes ga ga over dees gals..but i hav a very diff xperience wid em...n most f em were ma so called frends...i always thot dat college lyf rox..n so s d hostel lyf....but i thank ma stars dat i dint hav to stay in hostel wid dos screechy creatures.
i jus went to stay in hostel for bout 2 days..to complete a project work.n had a hell of a time.
it ws such a hardship to live wid such kinda gals.i swear dees gals suck d juices outta ur veins...ma god.i hav never seen such emotional dramas, such loud mouth behenjis,n dy were worse dan ekta kapoor vamps....as i reached hostel n went to frend 's room....i came across a whole lot f beauty sessions goin on... in everyroom.
as u get frendly wid dees chipku gals ,thy wan all ur tyme n energy,dy cant do a single thing widout help ,thy wan d world to revolve around dem.
n once dy start off discussin "guys"..dy go crazy....n widout a wastin a minute,dy start hearin wedding bells n even start thinkin about babies.
dy make em come n one wud swear dy struck gold or sumthin.
the prettier dy r,d more dy demand...(i can really understan wat dere bfs has to face).
i cant afford to play such kinda shit..but its fun to watch all dis hilarious drama.
even wen i m at ma place...every time i turn around ma phone ws ringin ,off d dam hook,"hi malvika"..one f d sweety slurpy voice wud say,n i sit dere n try to guess which one it ws.
"watcha doin?"wat a stupid ass question to call sumbody up n ask.it oughta b obvious dat i wsnt thinkin about her or else i 'da called her ryt?
but it don work lyk dat. dy hegde"u feel like sum company?" n "don say no..i need to talk to u"
i m busy...cant talk....n all hell 'll break loose then.."u busy wid sum guy...oh who s he ?hw s he?"
i wanna say "none f ur fuckin bussiness" but it wud b too cold blooded.
they wanna knw wat u doin every fuckin minute f ur day.u jus cant b by urslf. they always think if u don wanna talk to em,den it gotta b a chic dude.
i hav seen sum f d stupidest gals....n i swear one usually don finds it...unless n until..u had a nyce talk wid em..theees chics hav ass like butter n moves like roller coaster.but wen it cumes to brains dees chics missin about 16 cards.
this frend of mine who recently started workin... n s posted in welfare deptt.of her firm , but i think dere she shuld been a case herself.
she called me up wid such urgency n wanted to talk sumthin really serious.
i thot sumthin s really bad..n i missed out ma class to meet her.i went to her place .as i reached her room..i found her involved in nail piantin n forever blow dryin her fukin hair.....
i said u sounded terrible...wats d matter...???
u knw wat ......sushant dumped me( sushant - his college swthrt).i ws so lonely....in dis whole world. i really needed u..baby..thnx for cumin here.
n den
..i had one gud news aswell...i hav started seeing abhay...hes workin in HR deptt ...oh god hes so hot...... i really thinks dat he s d man f ma life.
i felt givin her a nyc punch...you stupid..bitch i wanted to say......but i dint....it wsnt worth.
instead i got up n said....i got to go......n she acted like her feelings were hurt ......but who cares.